This is a stray away from my usual post please bear with me. I felt it needed to be written about at this time of the year and I think it is food for thought for all of us with or without children. Women don’t have children for many reasons, and they are none of your business. The “why” question is always insensitive. This post was inspired by the below picture being put onto facebook by an acquaintance and it being Christmas time.
This made me upset and mad all in one go. A parent who thinks that a person has potentially dropped their friendship because they have children. It shows such a lack of insight. I won’t post the comments that followed the posting of this picture. Think about the bigger impact of such statments and why someone may or may not be in you life since you had children. Did you have anything to do with why they are not in the picture?
Celebrations can be a tough day for those women without children. There are so many reasons why you might not have children. Around Christmas time there is lots of paraphernalia all geared towards children and making they day special, it can leave you feeling a little left out. The worst day of the year for many though is Mother’s day.
When you find out a woman doesn’t have children there is often a judgement in a question that has no business being there. Especially as it is a sensitive subject and you don’t know the depth behind why there are no children.
For many women, Mother’s day is a reminder of not living up to societal expectations. Strangers ask, parents drop hints and friends question.
If you don’t have children you probably love and nurture many others. You may be an awesome aunt or a godparent. You may have pets that you adore. The world needs people like you.
Don’t pity me
Not having children can be a deep wound for some people, it will never heal. Some people will come to terms with it and others will not. The last thing they want is your pity. They live happy productive lives and please talk about your children with them.
Children are not for some people. It is a personal choice. Please respect this. Don’t try to change my mind or tell me that I am making a mistake. I have made a decision and I know what I am doing and what is best for me.
Don’t assume I don’t like children
People without children often very much enjoy spending time with children. They love being special aunties and uncles. They love that play and closeness that they can experience with them.
Don’t exclude me
People enjoy spending time at others family events and it hurts not to be included because they don’t have children.
We treasure our friendships. We all wish that our friends with children would organise a catch up sometimes and we miss them. Often it is the childless friends who do a lot of the calling and the inviting and we often assume that children take up your time and there is no time left for us or you would be calling.
Remember when you do emerge from the parenting cave there are other topics other than that of child-rearing or your beautiful children. It is also no very nice to ignore someone’s friendship for years while you are in that parenting cave and then think that you can just pick up where you left off. Nurture us and we will be there for you.
If you have tried to be a mum and you are not – I am sorry, may you find peace today. If you have chosen not to have children I honour your courage to defy societal norms. You care for another’s children you are a gift to those children.
Have a Merry Christmas and a terrific New Years…. May all your celebrations be beautiful and special. Those today and those to come
You Deserve It